Month: May 2016

day seventeen: table for two.

Posted on by thedingismything

I might have mentioned once or twice that The Husband and I have started looking to buy a house. Anyone who has tried to do this in the last year or so will feel my pain. In Los Angeles, it is impossible to buy a move-in ready house unless you are independently wealthy. Impossible.

The fact that we began this process around the same time we decided to begin our Whole30 was both brilliant and disastrous. Brilliant, because if I was not limiting myself to what food I was eating, I probably would have gained about 10 pounds in the last two weeks from stress eating and drinking until I felt like less of a financial failure. Disastrous, because by the end of our second week, The Husband and I were on each other’s nerves like no one’s business and taking all our stress out on one another.

He worked all day Saturday, while I did some cleaning and food shopping. I had a vision of me cooking a wonderful dinner for him so that the house smelled yummy when he came home after a hard day’s work and then the two of us sitting at the table and enjoying every delicious bite.

What happened instead is that food shopping took me about two hours. That is a major downside of Whole30 – having to read labels on everything. I chalk that up to being a newbie. I’m sure it gets better when you’re on Day 28 or doing it for a second or third time. (I don’t wanna!)

By the time I got home, he was already there and was playing his video games. I got annoyed because there was a sink full of dishes and I couldn’t cook because the kitchen was a mess and the table was covered with all kinds of junk so we wouldn’t be able to sit and eat until it was cleared.

OK, time for some serious truth talk here. Who sits and eats at their dinner table every night? Or, at least, often? Our “dining” table has become a collect-all for junk mail, miscellaneous paper goods that don’t fit on shelves, that Ikea shelf I have been meaning to put up for a few months now, cans of cat food I’m too lazy to put away in the cabinet, Monopoly game pieces from Vons (we’re so gonna win!), and just about anything else you can imagine. We’ve been eating dinner from our couch while watching Jeopardy, just about every night since our honeymoon. It had been literal months since we ate at our table. Is that not normal?

Back to Saturday. I snipped at him for some help, and he snipped at me, and we were all set up to fight and have the whole night ruined. But somehow things steered themselves back on track and he did the dishes and cleared the table and I made one of our best dinners yet. And we got to sit at our table and eat it together. And we enjoyed each other’s company. It’s the closest thing to a date we’ve had while on this dumb diet.

The Whole30 cookbook has a recipe for an herb and walnut encrusted pork tenderloin with mashed cauliflower “potatoes.” It’s phenomenal. And, even better, it’s easy. And, better yet, it’s relatively inexpensive. All the ingredients were less than $20 (not including pantry staples) and we got six meals out of it.

So here’s where my lack of professional training comes into play. When I opened the package of pork tenderloin, I was expecting one hunk of meat in kind of the shape of a log. But, there were two long slabs of meat. After a little research (i.e. Google) I’m still not sure that pork tenderloin is supposed to be like this. It initially threw me for a loop, but I remembered I had cooking twine (don’t ask why) and just tied them together.

Another instance in which following directions probably helps. I had prepped everything for the recipe in advance, which means I chopped the walnuts before I started assembling everything. The directions tell you to season the meat with a spice rub, then chop your nuts and roll your meat in them to coat it. This recipe yields a whole heckuva lot of spice rub. I applied it allllll over, and had a ton left over. So when I went to roll it in the chopped nuts, they didn’t really stick. I think if you do the spice rub in advance, and let it set for a while, the nuts will stick better. When all was said and done, I had a ton of unused nuts. So many nuts.

I have a few friends who just snorted reading that. I threw it in purely for their entertainment.

While the finished product came out tasting incredible, I know what I’ll do differently the next time I make this. Assuming I get a similar cut of meat, with two slabs, I would apply the spice rub to each piece and let is set for about 30 minutes. I would sprinkle chopped nuts on top of one piece, stack the other on top and tie them together. Then more nuts on top, and any extra spice rub to make a really tasty crust on top.

I cooked it per directions, measuring its temperature after 25 minutes. It needed more time, so just another 5 minutes got me to exactly 145°, right where the book said it should be.

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While it was in the oven, I made the recipe for mashed cauliflower “potatoes.” It looks just like mashed potatoes. Bonus: Texture aside, it tastes just like mashed potatoes. Maybe even better. They were light and fluffy and I could eat them all day without feeling bad.

One note before you try them at home: The recipe calls for chicken broth. It’s not easy to find Whole30 compliant chicken broth, and when you do, it’s expensive. Lucky for me, last week we got a (Whole30 compliant) rotisserie chicken that we cut up for chicken salad. I used the carcass to make chicken bone broth (using another recipe in the Whole30 book). So, I was able to make the mashed cauliflower with made-from-scratch chicken broth. WHO THE HELL HAVE I BECOME??!?

For the pork tenderloin topping:

About 1/3 cup chopped walnuts
Mustard powder
Garlic powder
Paprika
S&P

For the cauliflower mash: 

One head cauliflower, cut into florets
2-3 Cloves garlic
Ghee, or clarified butter
Coconut cream
Chicken broth
Chopped parsley

Steam the cauliflower until you can poke a fork in ‘em. Put them in a food processor, or if you’re like me and don’t have one, use a Ninja blender or similar. Make sure it’s big enough to handle all the cauliflower. Add in the ghee (which is just really fun to say) and the coconut cream, then the chicken broth a little at a time until you reach your preferred consistency. Add the parsley last and give it a final spin. I added some extra salt to them, for flavor.

 

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on April 13, 2016.

day sixteen: the easiest dinner you’ll ever make.

Posted on by thedingismything

Before starting out on this ridiculous Whole30 journey, our dinner routine was the same old thing week after week: Food shopping on Sunday night with the best of intentions. Chicken and veggies on Monday night. Turkey Taco Tuesdays. Wednesday would be more chicken and veggies. By the time Thursday came around, we’d be sick of cooking, so we’d get a little cheapie take-out. Friday Funday calls for dinner out and drinks. Then Saturday breakfast on the go, followed by a weekend of “Where should we go for lunch?” and “Where do you want to eat dinner?”

It was a vicious cycle.

One upside of Whole30 has been that we’re forced to try some new recipes and think outside the chicken-and-veggies box. If you’ve been following along, you’ve seen some of our new fav’s. The turkey meatballs  and loaded sweet potatoes are right up there. I haven’t even told y’all about The Husband’s chili he made last week.

Trying new recipes each night can be a little exhausting though. This is when it pays to have a staple, like my basic chicken and veggies.

You know that one go-to dish you have in your repetiore that you can make in your sleep? This is one of mine. (The other, in case you were wondering, is my mom’s chocolate chip cookies. But I’m not going to think about those sweet, crispy-on-the-outside, warm-and-gooey-on-the-inside, melt-in-your-mouth, better-than-anything-on-the-planet cookies.)

Chicken and veggies is cheap, quick and easy. Just like me.

This meal is perfect if you’re pressed for time. The total cost is going to range depending on the quality of meat you buy and whether you’re buying frozen or fresh veggies, and whether they’re in season. You can go dirt cheap and get a pound of chicken tenders for about $4 and a bag of frozen veggies for another $2. On the higher end, you can buy the larger vegetarian-fed, no antibiotics, raised without hormones, fancy pants chicken breasts that Whole30 encourages, and that will run you about $10 or more for a pound and a half.

If you already know how to make basic chicken and veggies, there is no need to read any further. Unless you like a good joke about large breasts. That’s going to happen. But, if you don’t know shit about dick when it comes to cooking, I invite you to read on.

Disclaimer: This is not a recipe. This is my own personal method. And I’m not professional trained to work in a kitchen. (Obviously.)

To make chicken and veggies, you only need about 30 minutes max. Turn on your oven to about 400° and get out one large nonstick pan and one oven-safe pan. You’re also going to want a good pair of tongs.

Start with prepping your veggies. This process is going to depend on what you’re working with, obviously. For this example, I’m using Brussels sprouts. You want to buy the tiny ones; they’re more tender. The large bulbous ones are a little rough to eat. I like to cut off the stem part as much as possible and then halve them. Get some kind of fat (either olive or coconut oil works best here) going in your nonstick pan and swirl that puppy around. Once it’s hot, place the sprout halves flat-side down in the pan. All of them. When there’s no more room left, just throw them all on top. Everybody in the pool.

A package of pre-cut butternut squash is a great compliment to Brussels sprouts and adds another level to a basic chicken and veggies dinner. They will get squishy fast, so don’t be in a rush to add these. In fact, if you want to redirect your attention to the chicken and then come back, that will work just fine.

You’re probably wondering about seasoning at this point. This is my only “trick” when it comes to chicken and veggies. I don’t even know that it’s a trick. More like a guideline.

I used to date this guy whose mom told him he should never date a girl who didn’t wear panties that matched her bra. (We broke up.) Apply this rule to your chicken and veggies: Whatever seasoning you put on the bird, you put on the veggies.

This helps change your dish up. If you’re using peppers and onions, go for some chili powder, paprika and fresh garlic. If you’re using asparagus, lemon pepper and fresh lemon juice is perfect. For Brussels sprouts and butternut squash, I like something a little more savory, like dried rosemary and thyme. No matter your combo, you’re always going to start with kosher salt and black pepper. If you don’t have a pepper grinder, no bigs. If you do, mazel tov.

So you’ve got your veggies in the pan and your chicken out on the board. Salt, all the way around. Pepper. Sprinkle that thyme all over. Take about a tablespoon of rosemary in the palm of your hand and use your fingers to grind them down, then you can throw that on top. I’ve learned to use rosemary conservatively. It’s lovely, but very powerful. Just like me.

Your seasoning is done, time to get that bird on the stove. Put your choice of fat or oil (remember, matchy matchy) in the oven-safe pan. When it’s hot, GENTLY lay down each breast so you don’t get oil splatter. This here is very important: Once you’ve put the chicken in the pan, DON’T TOUCH IT.

DON’T poke at it.

DON’T push it around.

DON’T try to lift it up.

What you’re trying to do is brown one side real good, then you’ll flip it and brown the other side real good. How do you know when it’s time to flip it? When you can use your tongs to pick up the breast and it lifts up without sticking. But you just told me not to try to lift it up…?   I know. Life’s a bitch, isn’t it?

Keep an eye on how long one side takes before you can flip it. However much time it took to cook the first side is a good measure for how long you should leave it on the other side, but I generally give it a minute or two less. You’re going to take the pan at this point and put it in the oven, so it will continue to brown on that side while it’s cooking.

The amount of time these stay in the oven depends on how large your breasts are (HEEYY-O!). If you’re using tenders, you are going to skip putting it in the oven entirely because they’re so small and pathetic they’ll cook on the stovetop and finish in no time. If you have large breasts, like me (winky winky), you’ll want to cook them between 20 and 25 minutes, including the time they spent stovetop.

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The tricky part is that chicken is one of those things you definitely don’t want to undercook, but you also reallllly don’t want to overcook. Dried chicken is awful. But so is food poisoning. This is why God invented meat thermometers. Use this to tell when your chicken is done. This being said, I will tell you that every time I’ve cooked chicken until it was ready by my meat thermometer’s standards, it came out drier than a Christmas tree in March.

Bobby Flay, if you’re reading this, I love you but please don’t read what I’m about to say. To make sure the chicken is done, I will usually take a knife and cut into one of the thickest parts of the breasts. If it’s pink, it’s not ready yet. No pink? Time to eat. You will lose some of the juice by doing this, but it’s better to be safe than vomiting.

So there you go. Chicken and veggies. It’s so easy, even I can do it.

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Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on April 12, 2016.

day fifteen: monday morning quarterbacking

Posted on by thedingismything

Holy shit, you guys.

I’m at the halfway point! FIFTEEN DAYS and I’m done with Whole30.

Last week was rough, I’m not gonna lie. There were a few moments between Thursday and Saturday where I just wanted to pop open a bottle and drink myself happy again. I wanted to run into Menchie’s and just bury my face in a giant cup of frozen yogurt. I wanted to grab the donut straight from my co-worker’s hand and shove it in my mouth.

You get the picture. I’m pretty sure The Husband was ready to file for divorce by Saturday morning.

Where I went right this weekend:

A few things saved my life over the past day or so. I battled the craving to hit up a Mexican restaurant and eat all the chips and all the guac and drink all the margaritas by making my own guac at home, and buying and cutting a jicama to sub as chips to dip in the guac. It was surprisingly delicious and definitely hit the spot. Also, we treated ourselves to buying an 8-pack of La Croix sparkling water. It was a nice change from regular water, and it made it feel like I was treating myself to a fancy cocktail.

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We also tried a few new Whole30 recipes that were ah-mah-zing. Details to come.

Where I went wrong:

In addition to not getting any workouts in this weekend, we made bacon for breakfast both Saturday and Sunday morning. It was Whole30 compliant bacon, but bacon nonetheless. I can’t help but feel a twinge guilty for over-indulging.

Goals for this week:

I felt so low on energy last week that I didn’t feel like I really pushed myself to accomplish much activity. I know I only made my Fitbit-mandated 10,000 steps once or twice. Goal for this week is to get more steps in, and make it to my morning bootcamp every day. I need to keep my activity up in order to really get more results from this.

That being said, I have to brag that my tight pants are not so tight anymore. I was able to wear a pair of pants on Saturday that haven’t been wearable outside the house in a few months. And the pair of Mercy Jeans (definition: the super cheap one-size-up jeans you buy when you’ve gained some weight and all your current jeans are too tight to wear anymore and you don’t want to walk around bottomless like Donald Duck) I acquired last month are now SO big on me, I can’t wear them without looking ridiculous. Yay me!

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on April 11, 2016.

days nine and ten.

Posted on by thedingismything

Oh, restaurants.

How great are restaurants?? Not even fancy ones, but just plain ol’ restaurants.

It’s so comforting to know there is a place you can go at the end of a long day of work, where you can sit down and relax and tell someone what you want to eat. Then minutes later, they bring it to you and all you have to do is eat and enjoy. When you’re done, you just pay and get up and leave. No work. No dirty dishes. No risk of burning your food (or yourself) or making a disastrous mistake in your kitchen. Everything is taken care of for you.

God, I miss restaurants.

Nine days into our Whole30, The Husband and I are getting real sick of cooking. Honestly, I think the biggest challenge hasn’t been dealing with missing out on junk food, but rather having to cook every single meal. We’re running out of steam.

Million dollar idea for some Silverlake fitness hipster with time and money to spare: Open up a Whole30 restaurant. I’ll be there three times a week and I’ll hug you after every meal.

There is a restaurant close to our apartment that we both especially miss. It’s an upscale Argentinian place called Malbec. Their chimichurri sauce is the stuff a flank steak’s dreams are made of. I drive past it each morning on my commute to work, so I’ve been especially feeling it the last few days.

The other night, when it was time to play “What’s for dinner?” I was really craving some flavor. We had bought a package of sirloin strips at the market that was 30% off because its sell-by date was approaching. (Note: This is one of my favorite ways to eat healthy on a budget. If you know you’ll use it right away, get the discounted good meat at the market. Saves at least a few bucks each time.)

Flipping through our Whole 30 cookbook, I found a recipe for chimichurri steak kabobs and we had all the veggies needed. While I didn’t have the ingredients or the time to make the actual chimichurri sauce from the recipe, we bought a jar of it from a winery in Temecula a few weeks ago. Gods be good, it was Whole30 compliant.

We marinated the beef in about half the jar’s worth of sauce while we soaked the wooden skewers in water and cut up all the veggies. Assembling the kabobs took the longest time, but it was also really fun. I like playing with food.

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In an ideal world, we would have grilled the kabobs out on the barbecue. However, we haven’t filled the propane tank yet for grilling season. I had to do my best using a grill pan over the stove, and it actually worked pretty well.

I personally like my beef on the rare side, so I just cooked the kabobs on a higher heat to get a nice char on the outside before finishing them on a baking sheet in the oven at about 375°. When they were done, I served them with a drizzle of the remaining chimichurri sauce.

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This would go really good with some rice or diced potatoes. Or a nice crusty bread to soak up all the sauce and juices.

Mmmmmmmbread.

P.S. A mishap with my potholder (read: a hole at the top of it) led to a minor catastrophe during the making of this dinner (read: burning the shit out of the tip of my right index finger). As a result, I’m now doing all my typing with my right hand shifted over one key. It’s a miracle I was able to get this typed without every word being soekked kuje thos (spelled like this).

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on April 7, 2016.

day eight: the chopped edition

Posted on by thedingismything

Before we started doing Whole 30, The Husband and I loved watching the Food Network. Now, of course, it’s a little like torture. I just can’t bring myself to watch our beloved Bobby Flay make one more waffle with bruléed bananas on top, no matter how darn cute he is. (I’m not alone on this one. The Husband has a pretty big man crush on him, too.)

But our absolute favorite show is “Chopped” – where the contestants get a basket of four wacky ingredients and have to make a gourmet dish out of them in a certain amount of time.

From time to time, when my dinner routine has become … well, routine, I will play my own game of Chopped with whatever I’ve got on hand in my fridge and pantry. I’ll take a protein and veggies and some cooking staples and try to make some sort of complete meal out of them.

Last night I took my Chopped game to the Whole 30 cookbook. I had chicken thighs in my fridge, a shit ton of sweet potatoes, and lots of greens. In the poultry section I found a recipe called Melissa’s Chicken Hash, which looked pretty darn good. It called for boneless chicken thighs (Check!), one sweet potato (Check!), spinach (Check!), a granny smith apple (Amazingly, check!), red pepper flakes (Check!) and walnuts (Nope! But I did have cashews. Close enough…).

Perfect, right?

Ha.

My brain was kinda on another planet, so things were off to a rocky start from the get-go. I forgot to cut the chicken into smaller pieces before throwing them in the pan. And in the interest of full disclosure, I didn’t realize we were out of walnuts until I’d already prepped every other ingredient and the chicken was in the pan. I had to grab our container of mixed nuts and frantically fish out all the cashews.

After only a few steps, it began to sink in that my dish wasn’t going to look anything like the picture in the book. Melissa, please.

Here’s the comparison. It’s pretty obvious which is which.

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One thing that made a big difference is that I don’t have a veggie spiralizer, which – although it doesn’t explicitly spell out in the text – I’m pretty sure that’s how the picture looked as good as it did. I used a box grater to grate the sweet potato, so it came out pretty mushy after being cooked.

The Chopped judges score the contestants on taste, use of basket ingredients, and appearance. I failed miserably on appearance. But The Husband gave me a thumbs up on the taste. I think he said something like, “If you didn’t know what it was supposed to look like, it would be really good.”

Yep.

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on April 5, 2016.

day seven: monday morning quarterbacking

Posted on by thedingismything

One week into Whole 30 and I’m surviving.

Just barely.

Seriously, it was an emotionally taxing weekend. The Husband and I are looking at houses, and everyone knows what the home-buying market in the Los Angeles area is like right now. Super competitive and nearly impossible for most middle class dwellers. I don’t know what makes me think we’re any different.

We spent much of the weekend looking at houses, and after falling in love with one adorable home, we spent the rest of the weekend figuring out how to make it work. We were both pretty grumpy. The Husband did some insane amount of pull-ups at his CrossFit gym on Friday and has been in pain ever since. I’ve been stressed out about making my home-ownership dreams come true. We reached a point yesterday afternoon where I turned to him and asked “How about we just call this Whole 30 thing off right now and go get drunk?”

We considered it.

To top it all off, we were invited to our friends’ house for a get-together Sunday afternoon. We were both very worried about eating something off-plan. We even went so far as to bring our own veggie tray and guacamole. Thankfully, our amazing friends were not only aware of our Whole 30 ambitions, but they were sensitive and thoughtful enough to have options we could eat, too. And we were able to relax! And actually enjoy ourselves! For a solid three hours, I didn’t think about how sad I was that I couldn’t open a bottle of wine and/or afford the house of our dreams.

Where I went right this weekend:

I know I’m patting myself on the back here, but I did just about everything right this weekend. I didn’t cheat my Whole 30 guidelines at all, and because of our diet plan we couldn’t go out to a restaurant. We probably saved a ton by eating in all weekend long. Our meals were all super easy and affordable, to boot. More on that, later.

Where I went wrong:

I have to say that planning to do the Whole 30 at a time when my stress levels were already so high was probably not the wisest choice. But it was our choice nonetheless, and we’re stickin’ to it.

Goals for this week:

There was a point yesterday when we were willing to say we did the Whole 6.5 diet. The idea of saying “Good enough,” and going out for pizza and bourbon was tough to resist. There was even a point at our friends’ house when I found my hand – out of force of habit – reach straight for the nacho cheese Doritos. I diverted it to the veggie tray just in time. But, here I am, at Day 7. I made it a week. Just three more to go.

I told myself yesterday that I would eat whole foods like this for the rest of my life, if it meant I could have booze whenever I wanted. With just about every dinner I ate this weekend, I’d find myself thinking about what wine would pair best with it. This led me to two conclusions: A) I might want to re-evaluate my attachment to liquor, and 2) I could eat like this for the rest of my life if it meant I could enjoy booze. That means my mind has started to think of this Whole 30 experiment less as a diet, and more of a lifestyle change. Which is really the point, right?

Breakthroughs, guys. So many breakthroughs.

At risk of this sounding like an AA treatment, my goal for this week is to take things each day at a time. I recognize that I’m carrying a lot of stress in my life right now, which makes the threat of breaking down more and more likely. I might lose my mind f I try to think about meal planning for the next seven days, or how I’m going to get to Day 14 without a Manhattan on the rocks. So today, I’m thinking about tonight. Tonight, I’ll think about tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’ll think about the next day. I’m still food-prepping. I’ve got my pre-cut veggies and fruits all set to go in my fridge. I’ve still got the upper hand there. If only I could have as much control over the rest of my life as I do with my nutrition right now …

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on April 4, 2016.

‘biggest loser’ weight gain? duh.

Posted on by thedingismything

Everyone I know is buzzing about the New York Times article that came out over the weekend discussing the “Biggest Loser” contestants and how they gain weight back after the competition is over. To be honest, it was about as shocking to me as Melisandre bringing Jon Snow back to life.

Ooops. Spoiler alert?

The contestants’ weight gain isn’t news, and shouldn’t be wowing everyone as much as it is. After season one of the show, I read a magazine article talking about the second-place runner up and what he went through to try to win the show. In the days leading up to the finale, he had done all the tricks that body builders and fighters do to cut weight. Dehydrate. Starve. Sweat. Guess what? The man gained back 35 pounds in the first week after the weigh-in. You know why?

Because he returned to a normal lifestyle, but his metabolism did not.

The real news of this article, and what ought to be the biggest takeaway, is the discovery that the drastic (and in my opinion, violent) weight loss that the contestants undergo during the six or seven months on the show plummets their resting metabolic rate and levels of leptin, the hormone that controls hunger. When the show was over, their RMR (the level of energy and calories your body would burn if you did nothing but rest all day err day) was burning hundreds of calories less than people their size ought to. And they were hungry all the freaking time.

Do you have any idea how much that sucks? That would be like, if you and your friends ordered a pizza to share, and everyone gets one slice and feels fine because they didn’t overeat, but then you’re over there unbuttoning your pants and digging in your purse for some Pepto.

That would be like, if you went to the gym with your bestie to hit the treadmills and she sets hers at incline level 2 and walks about 3 miles per hour, while you’ve got yours cranked all the way up to 15 and you’re running a solid 6 mph and sweating like a pig, and then after an hour she’s blasted 350 calories and you only burned 85.

That would be like, if you and your friends went out for drinks and everyone else orders another round except for you because you got wasted halfway through your light beer and now you’re passed out on the table and everyone’s drawing the word “lightweight” on your forehead and taking selfies with you while you drool.

That one might be a stretch, but you get the picture.

Simply put, it just plain sucks.

The show’s doctor, in the article, says he wasn’t surprised to see the RMRs drop, but acknowledged that he didn’t expect to see them drop as much as they did. What he says next is a real kick in the pants: “Maintaining weight loss is difficult … which is why he tells contestants that they should exercise at least nine hours a week and monitor their diets to keep the weight off.”

NINE HOURS A WEEK?

Who the f*ck has the kind of lifestyle that gives them the freedom to work out NINE HOURS each and every week?? I mean it. Really. I want to meet this person so I can find out where I went wrong in my life.

That is more than an hour each day of exercise. That’s more than 90 minutes a day if you’re even thinking about taking a rest day.

You might be thinking that doesn’t sound so bad. Let’s really take a minute to break that down. We’re not talking about 90 minutes a day running on a treadmill. We’re not talking about 90 minutes a day of Bikram yoga. We’re not talking about that Zumba class you take three nights a week. We’re talking 90 continuous minutes of high intensity cardio and strength training.

I go to a morning bootcamp about four to five times a week. The class time is from 5:30 a.m. to 6:15 a.m. We show up; there are stragglers; we do a short warm-up; then we receive instruction for each of the exercises in that day’s circuit. By the time we begin class, it’s 5:45 a.m. On our best days, we clock a solid 30 minutes of exercise.

Working out at a high level of intensity for a solid 90 minutes? Woof.

The average Joe or Jane isn’t going to have a lifestyle that provides them an opportunity to do this. We all work. Some of us have a commute. Some have kids. Some have two jobs. Pets. People to care for other than themselves. Houses to maintain. We need time to cook. Meal prep, dammit. So much meal prep.

What’s that? Time to relax? Have fun? HAHAHAHA shut up, stupid.

Unless you have a career that enables you to afford to pay for a chef, a nanny, a gardener, a housekeeper, a personal assistant, and likely, a personal trainer, exercising nine hours a week is a pretty unrealistic goal to maintain for a long period of time, let alone, forever.

It’s no wonder to me that the contestants on “Biggest Loser” struggle so much after the show is over. Their bodies freaked out trying to adapt to the demand of seven hours a day of exercise. That’s right – while on the show, they exercise SEVEN hours a day. F*ck that. Then, once their bodies get used to that abuse, it all stops! Their bodies are exhausted and trying to figure out what the hell is happening. Even worse is the mental state that’s got to go along with that.

This morning I heard one of the contestants interviewed on TV, and he was talking about the shame he felt gaining weight back. You know how ashamed you feel around your friends when you’ve gained weight? Try to think about how much shame you’d feel when the entire country is looking, he said.

Holy sh*t. Can we all group hug and tell this guy everything is going to be OK?

Look. I get it. More than anyone might know. For a while there, a good five years or so ago, I got into pretty good shape. I didn’t have a whole lot going on in my life, so it was my priority. I had the time and the focus. I felt great. I wanted other people to feel just as great. So, I became a personal trainer. I got certified. I had clients. I made some good money on the side. I got more clients. But, I still had my day job. I started having less time to work out on my own. Less time for meal prep. Less time to have a life.

I gained the weight back. A lot of it. I wasn’t in good shape anymore. I had a hard time telling clients what to do when, obviously, I wasn’t doing it either. So, I quit.

The level of shame I felt – and still feel – is huge. I once was the trainer and now I’m the trainee. I once was close to having rock solid abs and now I’m fighting the spare tire.

So yeah, I get it. I feel for these guys. But I’m not shocked or surprised. Now that it’s out in the open, those who still think the “Biggest Loser” is a standard for weight loss to which they should hold themselves will hopefully see the light. There is something to be said for setting smaller, attainable goals for a successful weight loss journey. That’s real reality.

whole30: day four.

Posted on by thedingismything

Alright. Most days this week, I’ve been a little gloomy. Self-pitying, even. But not today.

Today, I gotta brag.

Day 4 was a home run, guys. Start to finish, I think it was my best day yet.

For breakfast, I had diced potatoes and bell peppers, my new favorite Whole 30 compliant chicken sausage and an egg. Lunch was half a bell pepper filled with tuna salad (with my homemade mayo I made for Day 1. And dinner was … well. Dinner was amazing.

I found this recipe for Loaded Turkey Stuffed Twice-Baked Sweet Potatoes on paleOMG.com and thought that with a name like that, you really couldn’t go wrong.

Holy smokes, it was every bit as good as it sounded. And easy, too!

The recipe called for the traditional yellow sweet potatoes, but I’m a sucker for the orange ones. (I think these are technically yams?) I followed the writer’s instructions exactly, and it all worked out perfectly. Her suggestion about not getting too close to the skin when scooping out the ooey gooey yummy middles was spot on.

The turkey is seasoned with chili powder, paprika and an alarming amount of hot sauce. We used Cholula because it’s Whole 30 compliant. I was a wee bit worried, but the sweetness of the potato balanced out the heat nicely.

After I stuffed the filling in the potatoes and popped them back in the oven, I threw some Brussels sprouts in a pan to get something green on the plate. Super simple to make in a dash: just cut ‘em in half, add them to a hot nonstick pan with a smidge of coconut oil, add a little S&P and don’t let them burn. Although, personally, I like a little char on mine.

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This dinner was a success, and The Husband already asked if we can make this even after Whole 30. Um. I want to eat it again tomorrow night!

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So one quick note for anyone thinking of reasons NOT to do Whole 30. I’m guessing this all sounds like it takes a lot of time to prepare everything, and you might be thinking you don’t have hours to dedicate to cooking each day. I thought the same thing at first, too. But I’ve learned quickly that there are some easy shortcuts that will help for those days when you’re pressed for time. One of the biggest, easiest tips is to make a dinner that is big enough so there will be leftovers you can pack for lunch the next day. If you don’t like eating the same thing twice, then you’re not making food that is yummy enough. I could eat those flipping stuffed sweet potatoes every darn day.

I’m going to be totally honest. Remembering to prep your food ahead of time is the hardest part. The night of Day 3, we were settled on the couch watching TV when I remembered I didn’t have anything put together for lunch the following day. It was 9:30 at night, but I got up and whipped up my tuna, stuffed it in the bell pepper boat, threw some veggies in a baggie and was back on my ass in time for The Husband to make me suffer through the end of “World War Z.”

The potatoes I had for breakfast? Came already cut up. Our market has a nice little space in the produce section with fresh cut vegetables ready to bring home and cook. I’ll admit some aren’t worth the price. Like, I’m perfectly capable of buying a zucchini and squash and slicing them up on my own instead of paying $5 for the already sliced package of them. But other things – like the pre-cut butternut squash – totally worth it. These diced potatoes and peppers were $2.99 for a good size container. It was enough to feed both of us for two breakfasts.

As long as you’re able to think about these things ahead of time, this is an easy lifestyle to maintain. And it gets easier, the more you train yourself to do it. I can already tell you what I’m having for my next two meals. We got in a habit of waiting until late in the the afternoon to think about dinner, and by that time we’re usually too tired to develop a game plan. When it gets to that point, it’s easy to just say “Screw it, let’s go out!” By the end of the night you’ve eaten an extra 1,000 calories, probably had a drink or two, and spent $50 or more. Total dollar value for my Day 4 food was probably between $10 and $12. AND I got to eat a super duper delicious dinner.

Like I said: Home run.

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on April 1, 2016.

whole30: day three.

Posted on by thedingismything

Today was hard.

Not because I was hungry, or felt like I couldn’t eat anything. Today was hard because it was the first really stressful day I’ve had while on Whole 30. It made me realize just how much I actually stress eat.

Typically on a day like today, after a looong day at work when I was juggling a dozen projects at once, I would reach for a big ol’ bag of chips or ask The Husband if we could go hit up a happy hour somewhere. At the very least we’d open a bottle of wine or go pick up some Menchie’s.

Mmmmmmmmmenchie’s. I miss you so very much.

We hosted a breakfast meeting at our office today, and I had to help set up the food. Coffee, juice, fruit and a tray of bagels and pastries and muffins. Oh my.

Setting it out was no problem; I had just gotten to work and I wasn’t emotionaly drained yet. But by lunch, it was a different story.

The meeting was over and the room had cleared out. I poked my head in the empty room and saw there were still some pastries left on the tray. Ordinarily I would bring the tray downstairs and set it in the office kitchen for everyone to help themselves. Not today. I couldn’t go near it. I knew the temptation was too much. If I came within smelling distance of that sugary buttery carbohydrate goodness, I would have taken a bite.

Instead, I ran from the room and distracted myself until it was time to heat up my lunch. (Thank you, leftover meatballs.) Then I instructed someone else to adios the baked goods so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Crisis averted.

The one thing that really prevented me from diving face-first into a cinnamon roll-induced shame was the realization that I wasn’t even hungry. But I so desperately wanted to stuff my face. How often do I eat when I’m not hungry??? Apparently, more than I realize.

I’m happy to say the day wasn’t a total wash. By the time I got through traffic and made it home, The Husband had made an amazing dinner for us.

Ladies, let me tell you something. There are few things hotter than a man who knows his way around a kitchen. No wonder I’m emotionally attached to food.

But look at this! Who wouldn’t fall for a guy who makes something look as good as this.

That’s a little Whole 30 chicken cacciatore, which was as delicious as it was easy to make. The Husband said on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being getting take-out, this recipe is a 3.5. Not too shabby!

P.S. The cute wittle face peeking up in that photo is my cat Boots. He’s a rascal.

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on March 31, 2016.

whole30: day two.

Posted on by thedingismything

I’m happy to report that my second day of Whole 30 was about a million times better than the first. I wasn’t hungry at all. Literally, not for a minute all day. I was able to prepare in advance a good size breakfast for this morning. It made all the difference in the world.

Also, I know it’s only been two days since I ate a handful of frosted sugar cookies at Easter dinner (oh – did I forget to mention the cookies?) but I already feel a difference. I feel skinnier! I have like, no bloating going on. My rings slide on and off with ease. It’s a little amazing how I didn’t even realize how bloated I felt a few days ago until I compare it with how great I felt today.

A little rundown of today’s meals:

Brekkie was a Whole 30 compliant chicken sausage, sweet potato hash, and a fried egg. Quick note: I made a PERFECTLY fried egg for the first time in my life today. Mark it on your calendars. The trick? A really good nonstick pan and a tiny little rubber spatula. Highlight of my day.

Mid-morning snack was a large banana and some mixed nuts, without peanuts. Insert your favorite “that’s what she said” joke here.

Lunch today was super easy because I was able to enjoy leftovers from last night. The Husband made some delish baked chicken breasts that was perfect to slice and throw on top of a green salad mix. Because I’m not a maniac, I made my own salad dressing out of olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper. I also microwaved a sweet potato, and that helped keep my inner hunger demon away all afternoon.

That being said, I still let myself snack on some fresh strawberries and pineapple before leaving the office.

Finally, for dinner, I was excited to have a chance to try out one of the recipes from the Whole 30 book. I made their chicken meatballs, although I actually used turkey because we already had some on hand. Can I just tell you how good they came out? I mean, really, really good. And it was the simplest recipe to follow. A pound of ground turkey, an egg, chopped onion, minced garlic, salt, pepper, oregano, and I used just under a quarter-cup of almond flour to thicken the meatballs a bit. Brown them in a pan a bit before transferring to a parchment-lined baking sheet in the oven. Cook ‘em for about 8 minutes and then let them set for a bit before devouring them.

Here’s the part where you get to learn from my mistakes. When browning the meatballs in the pan, use a really good quality nonstick pan. I thought I could outsmart the recipe by using an oven-safe pan to brown them and then just stick the whole thing in the oven. Even with a generous amount of olive oil in the pan first, they stuck. Big time. M-E-S-S-Y. For my second batch, I just followed the instructions and used my best nonstick pan first, and they browned up real nice, with zero sticking.

Because of my mishap with the first batch, they looked a little funny and misshapen. But boy howdy did they taste go-oo-oood.

For a side dish, I sauteed together some red potatoes, mushrooms and green beans, and used savory seasonings so they complimented the meatballs really well.

And because yesterday taught me how important it is to prep for the next day’s meals, my game plan for tomorrow is already laid out. I’ve got leftover potatoes and another chicken sausage for breakfast, I’ll use up my leftover meatballs and veggies for lunch, and The Husband is making a Whole 30 chicken cacciatore recipe from the book. Much excite. Very cacciatore.

Note: This is a re-post from the Tumblr version of this blog. It originally ran on March 30, 2016.